Tuesday, June 9, 2009

neglect

i have, sadly, been neglecting this blog. 
the usual excuses apply - busy, lazy etc.
so, i have decided to put this blog on hiatus. 
not sure how long, this may be the last post, it may not
only time will tell...

in the mean time check out my other blog
raeb.tumblr.com

Thursday, June 4, 2009

long day

today... hmmm... 
today i did a lot and accomplished nothing. and i am perfectly happen with that.

i spent the day taking care of toddler called Stinks and a 9 week old baby. played around with bubbled, went for a walk with a stroller (and by that i mean following Stinks as she pushed her baby doll around the yard) watched some crazy t.v. show that i still don't understand, but she enjoyed.
went to hostess for the night, and the restaurant was dead. over 3 hours i only sat 50 people. we had too many servers to begin with so i was able to get out of there early. woohooo.
which meant that i got to eat dinner with my rents, something that i haven't done in a very long time.
its one of those things where i feel like a ghost in this house. the only evidence of my existence is the door to my room and whatever pair of shoes i've left by the couch with my laptop. other than that, mum, dad and dana would have no idea that i was even here. i'm gone 5 to 10 - they get home around 6 and go to bed around 9 and they leave at the crack of dawn (so i'm never up.) we could go days with out seeing each other at this rate. 
so it was nice, to be able to sit at the island and have other people there. to not have to eat alone, in a quiet house, with just the t.v. for company. 
i told the rents that the other people who got out early were going to go party in town. they asked why i didn't go with them. they just don't get how much i miss the people that i live with - because i never see them.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

internet junkie

i didn't think that it was possible...
but since moving to new york i have become even more of an internet junkie. 

i have 8 websites the i check constantly
gmail, facebook, fml, tfln, twitter, one sentence, and my 2 blog home pages (tumblr and blogspot)

from there  - i follow 22 blogs on my tumblr and 8 blogs on my blogspot

next: i follow 31 webcomics

then i have 13 other websites that i check.

all of these are conveniently located in drop down lists on my book marks bar, meaning that with only a couple clicks i have all of them open. 

and the problem that i have is that i don't check them once a day. oh no. being home at night when every else is sleeping, i do nothing but check them repeatedly and i look for more things to follow. being up for 10pm to 3am, with no one to talk to and the inability to turn on the t.v. means that i spend a lot of time on the internet. 

i tried to ween myself off. i got some books to read. but they don't keep my attention for as long as i need them to. that and i submitted posts to other blogs and i keep checking to see if they posted them

it has gotten to the point where it is an illness - i must be stopped :/
but first....

let me check one last site...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

first of the month...

and we're off to a good start.
i did most of the things i planned to do today and was pretty productive for a change. woohoo me. tomorrow i don't have work until 5, so i'm going to assemble my drum set then, finish up the laundry and write for a bit. or i might just read, now that it doesn't feel like pulling teeth to do so.

it's almost been a month since i left boston. i can't believe that i've been gone that long. 
even though things are looking up here, i wish i was back already. 
with each passing day, i thought that the ache would deaden a bit more. instead i get these attacks where i become deathly afraid that i'm losing all of my boston friends, and things will never be the same. and it makes me sad to know that there is some truth to this. 

right now the only thing i can do is make the best of my situation and ween myself off of facebook. i'm going to end up doing what i do every summer - become a workaholic. especially this summer, because all of my friends are elsewhere and there isn't much else to do. i'm already hostessing 5 days a week, and soon here i'm going to try and get a second job at a clothing store. plus there is babysitting. and when i'm not doing any of those things, i'll be sleeping, watching movies and thinking about (but not actually) painting or writing.

i know that i can't fight this, and that i'm going to fall into this no matter how much i try try not to. the only thing i can do is fight to slightly alter it. try to force myself to paint a bit, write a bit, read a bit, and go exploring. 

but even that is going to be harder. while drying around today i realized that i know what lies north of my house, and i know what lies south. finding places that i havent found yet is going to be a bit more difficult than turning left or right at the end of the road.

lets hope that the month of june has promise

Sunday, May 31, 2009

day off

tomorrow is my day off and i vow to be productive:

set up my drum set
move the canvases to the basement
paint 
send out mail and postcards
set up library card
get a book by bukowski
clean room
do laundry
write something that has an ending

the plan is to do it and sleep in - we'll see how well that goes...

Friday, May 29, 2009

abandonment

so, i've kinda abandoned this blog for a bit here. my apologizes. 
so here as the usual lame excuses:
really busy, had sketching internet connection, too tired, really lazy, didn't know what to say
would start entries, think they were stupid and delete them
oh yes, and i was working on my other blog raeb.tumblr.com (which is more fun then recounting my daily life)

so basically, here is the recap

i am no in lake george for the summer, probably not going back to rochester, at least not for a while. i went home for a couple days here and there, got to see my friends, cram in as much 'summer' as i could. there was laughter, tears, high levels of stress and hair dye.

now i think that i'm actually going to be getting in a routine, a solid work schedule, a steady wake-up and go to bed schedule - eh, we'll see about that last one. but regardless, life will be getting more of a normal rhythm in comparison with what i've been living lately.

and hopefuly this will include more art time. :)

Friday, May 22, 2009

first day of work

not sure what to say other than it went better and worse than expected.

taking a cue from jackie, i'm going to make goals for myself.

goal number one: write everyday

Thursday, May 21, 2009

...and we're back

so after an exceedingly long drive which included many incidents of recalculating on the gps's part - i am back in lake george...

being home was exactly what i needed. i got to see a lot of friends and do the things that make summer, well, summer. snuck into some movies with my friends, ate at ihop in the wee hours of the mornings, drove around aimlessly, had a bonfire, read a book on my back porch and went to the beach on a grey day to smell the salt air. mentally i feel in a much better place. or i did - until i had to leave. it was so hard to leave my friends all over again, knowing that i was cutting myself short. i knew that last summer was going to be my last real summer - but i didn't realize that the difference between the two would be so extreme.

on a brighter note, my first day of work is tomorrow. and i'm nervous as hell. i swear i wasn't this stressed during finals. so it looks like this is going to be yet another sleepless night. which stinks because i have a ton of stuff to do in the morning.

amazingly, the car is yet again stuffed with more stuff. its a little scary at the moment - so much so that my sister and i looked at the junk and slammed the door, not wanting to deal with it until it was absolutely necessary. 

among the junk is all the stuff my mother wanted from the house but had forgotten, as well as oodles of giant canvases and my drum set. one of my goals for myself this summer is to relearn how to play set. when i first learned percussion back in the 4th grade, i think i missed some important note, because i always was a bit off and couldn't really progress past a certain point. so in high school i tried to relearn, which was a failure, because i never found the time, energy or desire to practice. i loved playing for pep band and all of the aux parts, but i just became so frustrated with my snare/set skills that i ended up discouraging myself from playing. 

but now i have the time, and nothing else to do up here, no friends to run away with, so i will sit at that set and learn it god-damn-it if its the last thing i do (or at least one of them.)

still not looking forward to moving it though, its all broken down at the moment, heavy and each piece is huge. moving it to the basement is going to be interesting.

so right now, thats the plan, we'll see how it goes...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

home

yesterday was the first day that i have felt truly relaxed in ages. i arrived home after a long and kind of painful 4 hour drive, threw my stuff in my room, and called my friends. ice cream with my best friend from 1st grade and star trek with the tobster and (and this is what i looked forward to the most) ihop with my 3 best guy friends. being around all of these awesome people just put me in such a better place. 
and the wonderful evening ended in the best way, and if you're an insomniac like i have been my entire life you'll understand why this was soo great. it ended with me falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. a rare incident indeed. not once did i wake up during the night and it felt absolutely delicious waking up in my bed, in my room with all the windows open and a breeze blowing in from off the pond. 
being home - i just feel so much better. i really needed it. 
but now i'm sleeping over on the cape because my sister wanted to see family (as did i but she planned the sleep over bit) and i'm kind of missing my own bed already. oh well - having a blast here any way. can't wait for the adventures that will being to unfold this week...

Friday, May 15, 2009

week 1

This has been quite the week to say the least...
i don't think that i was ever this stressed during finals (except for maybe the crunch hours before the papers had to be handed in) i thought that summer was supposed to be relaxing... guess not.
so to make an incredibly long and detailed story short and to the point - 
mum was hospitalized due to work related stress (only for one day - but her nerves have been shot ever since), my sister and i applied to a zillion places hoping to get jobs for the summer, my sister and i rediscovered what its like to live with each other and our mother and it's been a grand olde time.
so today i finally got a call from the one restaurant that i REALLY wanted to work at. they wanted to hire me as a hostess (YAY!) but they wanted me to start working before the day that i planned on being back from home :/ so they told me to call them when i got back (and their tone did not sound promising.) so i scrambled all day trying to figure out what to do so that i didn't lose this opportunity. so the long and short of it was that after throughly pissing off my mother - i changed an interview at another job (that i'd still like to have) to a different day and instead of leaving on tuesday for home, i am leaving tomorrow morning. all so that i can be back here in time for my first day at work (i called back the restaurant and fixed everything just in time.) whew...
it's been a busy week...
and i apologize for summing it all up in one giant word vomit, but my internet has been screwy for the last couple days.

so now living up here is starting to look up now that i have employment, and i get to go home for a week to see my friends. i knew that if i didn't go now, i probably wouldn't be able to at all this summer. and if i didn't go i was going to lose my mind. now i get to go home, pick up the pieces that i left and get ready for a busy busy life here in lake george.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

retrieving the other half

today i spent over 10 hours in the van. between lack of sleep and a constant, unchanging, moving landscape i felt like i was losing my mind. but it was worth it. why? because it was all done so that my mother and i (for mother's day) could pick up my sister from school.
sitting on the couch, watching t.v. with her i realize how much i missed my other half (we're twins) even though the first thing we did after i scooped her up in a hug was bicker. i have a strong feeling that between my mother, sister and me there will be a bunch of small, daily squabbles as was evident today. but despite all that i think that there is the potential for fun and silliness. 
my mother believes that in order to be happy and healthy you have to laugh at least 400 times a day. some how we'll manage to fit them all in.
being that i'm exhausted, and can hardly focus for more than 2 seconds - i'm going to sign off before i stop making sense. 
so today was both good and bad - not sure where it falls on the chart yet...
but on a side note - i hate cracker barrel. that is definitely something that i learned today.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

i have arrived

i'm finally here, in the room that is to be my safe haven for the summer, in far away upstate new york. 
after not really sleeping last night, i drove from Hyannis, Cape Cod to Lake George - a trip that should have taken 5 + hours. i, however, am a bit of a lead foot and beasted the drive in 4 hours 20 minutes (including a leisurely rest stop for gas and cinnamon coffee.) i finally arrived at the house exhausted and with a fabulous car sunburn (only on my left arm), only to have to unload my life from the car in the pouring rain.
and now that i'm here i don't know how to feel.

i've been dreading it for so long, that i guess it caught me off guard how much i miss my rents and was happy to see them. and they were in a great mood, what with me returning and us going to gather my sister tomorrow, that we actually had a great day (more like evening but w/e.) and i became rather optimistic about this whole ordeal.

but my earlier reservations are slowly returning with the ending of the evening and my retiring to a room that kind of scares me at night. i had gotten so used to city lights that living in the woods has brought back my fear of the dark. hooray! that and now that i'm alone with my thoughts i realize how much i miss everything in boston and all of my friends.

it didn't help that my parents asked about the boy today...



Friday, May 8, 2009

preparing

tomorrow morning (or should i just say in several hours) i will finally be heading to up state new york. being at my aunt's house has made it so that i haven't really come to terms with leaving boston. it makes it feel more like a weekend away. but tomorrow my true summer 'adventure' (trying to think of it in a positive light) begins with a 5 hour drive.
currently my aunt's living room is covered in piles of my clean laundry and stuff that i'm bringing with me. bright and early i'll be up packing it up again and loading into my honda odyssey that my mother so lovingly named homer. then the trek begins.
we'll see how it goes...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

the beginning

left and leaving:

yesterday i left...
the semester ended, i packed up my life, cleared out the room i've made my home for the last 8 months and i left. i left a life that i can never recreate... 

so here i am, repacking the life that i hastily tucked into bags, sorting out what to take and what to leave. i'm not going home - not yet - so i have to separate what to take with me and what i won't need, what i can leave at the house and won't miss.

as of right now the summer is not going off to a great start. i'm moving to upstate new york for the summer to spend one last summer with the whole family. this means not seeing my friends and going to a place where i only know my family and the few people that my parents work with. it means sharing a room with my neat freak sister, and working 90 hours a week. 

and it doesn't help that i just left all of the people that i've become incredible friends with and my boyfriend. due to crazy (rather irritating) circumstances we won't be able to see each other really until january. and being that we both find long term relationships to be a bad idea - we've decided to be friends...
just friends...

great beginning to my vacation...

it doesn't help that i hate summers to begin with...

so - like every other member of our internet age - i decided to start a blog
the goal is to relay the events of this summer from hell and hopefully find that its not as bad as looks right now.
we'll just have to wait and find out...