today i did a lot and accomplished nothing. and i am perfectly happen with that.
i spent the day taking care of toddler called Stinks and a 9 week old baby. played around with bubbled, went for a walk with a stroller (and by that i mean following Stinks as she pushed her baby doll around the yard) watched some crazy t.v. show that i still don't understand, but she enjoyed.
went to hostess for the night, and the restaurant was dead. over 3 hours i only sat 50 people. we had too many servers to begin with so i was able to get out of there early. woohooo.
which meant that i got to eat dinner with my rents, something that i haven't done in a very long time.
its one of those things where i feel like a ghost in this house. the only evidence of my existence is the door to my room and whatever pair of shoes i've left by the couch with my laptop. other than that, mum, dad and dana would have no idea that i was even here. i'm gone 5 to 10 - they get home around 6 and go to bed around 9 and they leave at the crack of dawn (so i'm never up.) we could go days with out seeing each other at this rate.
so it was nice, to be able to sit at the island and have other people there. to not have to eat alone, in a quiet house, with just the t.v. for company.
i told the rents that the other people who got out early were going to go party in town. they asked why i didn't go with them. they just don't get how much i miss the people that i live with - because i never see them.
but since moving to new york i have become even more of an internet junkie.
i have 8 websites the i check constantly
gmail, facebook, fml, tfln, twitter, one sentence, and my 2 blog home pages (tumblr and blogspot)
from there - i follow 22 blogs on my tumblr and 8 blogs on my blogspot
next: i follow 31 webcomics
then i have 13 other websites that i check.
all of these are conveniently located in drop down lists on my book marks bar, meaning that with only a couple clicks i have all of them open.
and the problem that i have is that i don't check them once a day. oh no. being home at night when every else is sleeping, i do nothing but check them repeatedly and i look for more things to follow. being up for 10pm to 3am, with no one to talk to and the inability to turn on the t.v. means that i spend a lot of time on the internet.
i tried to ween myself off. i got some books to read. but they don't keep my attention for as long as i need them to. that and i submitted posts to other blogs and i keep checking to see if they posted them
it has gotten to the point where it is an illness - i must be stopped :/
i did most of the things i planned to do today and was pretty productive for a change. woohoo me. tomorrow i don't have work until 5, so i'm going to assemble my drum set then, finish up the laundry and write for a bit. or i might just read, now that it doesn't feel like pulling teeth to do so.
it's almost been a month since i left boston. i can't believe that i've been gone that long.
even though things are looking up here, i wish i was back already.
with each passing day, i thought that the ache would deaden a bit more. instead i get these attacks where i become deathly afraid that i'm losing all of my boston friends, and things will never be the same. and it makes me sad to know that there is some truth to this.
right now the only thing i can do is make the best of my situation and ween myself off of facebook. i'm going to end up doing what i do every summer - become a workaholic. especially this summer, because all of my friends are elsewhere and there isn't much else to do. i'm already hostessing 5 days a week, and soon here i'm going to try and get a second job at a clothing store. plus there is babysitting. and when i'm not doing any of those things, i'll be sleeping, watching movies and thinking about (but not actually) painting or writing.
i know that i can't fight this, and that i'm going to fall into this no matter how much i try try not to. the only thing i can do is fight to slightly alter it. try to force myself to paint a bit, write a bit, read a bit, and go exploring.
but even that is going to be harder. while drying around today i realized that i know what lies north of my house, and i know what lies south. finding places that i havent found yet is going to be a bit more difficult than turning left or right at the end of the road.